We ask Rachel Connor from debt advice charity StepChange, as part of Talk Money Week, to answer the following question. Join in the conversation on Twitter and tell us what you would advise.

Question

• Got a Gambling Problem? 6 Steps You Must Take to Save Your Finances Over the past decade, gambling has becoming less problematic for Singaporeans as a whole. However, the recent news of a man losing S$80,000 while gambling in the last World Cup is a sober reminder of how dangerous and relevant gambling still is today.
• Ahahahhahahaha from rags to riches in 2 weeks. Last line of credit not being able to pay the bookie from a full keyboard warrior poppin 300 $ bottles of champaign.

I’m worried about my husband and I think he may be hiding something from me. He seems to be getting more and more scary looking letters through the door, and they disappear quickly so I can’t see what they are.

Whether you know a problem gambler or treat clients with a gambling addiction, this program is an eye-opening look at a serious mental health concern and the. Oct 08, 2020 Signs and symptoms of a gambling problem include: getting a thrill from taking gambling risks, taking increasingly bigger gambling risks over time, a preoccupation with gambling, reliving past gambling experiences (through imagination or telling stories), using gambling as a way to escape problems or negative feelings, feeling guilt or remorse after gambling, and repeated failed efforts to cut back on gambling. Aug 20, 2020 My dad also had a gambling problem for 20+ years. Few years ago we discovered 30k of debt he racked up. Self ban at casinos and close ALL ur online accounts. When I was self excluding all my accounts, I even opened up 2 new ones just to ban them for life, because I know I would try and gamble again.

When I ask him about them, he gets defensive and says they’re just junk mail. He goes out every evening pretty much, and most of the weekends too and my friend said she keeps seeing him at the local bookies.

When he’s in, he locks himself away in the spare room. He’s always been a bit of a gambler, but it's never been a problem before.

We’ve never been short of money in the past, but things keep going missing. Cash has disappeared from my purse and now my gold bracelet which my mother gave to me has gone.

I’ve searched the house top to bottom for it. I just don’t think I could ask if he’s stealing from me. Has he got us into trouble with money? Will he be truthful?

I have no idea what to do.

Anon, UK

Answer

Dear Anon,

I’m really sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’ve been dealing with. From what you’ve described, there’s a chance your husband may be dealing with a gambling addiction.

This can not only be difficult for him, but also for you, his partner. You clearly want to help him, but may be unsure how to support him in his recovery.

Gambling is a powerful addiction, so it’s important that you understand what your partner’s dealing with, and actions you can take/

According to the relationship counselling charity Relate, there are several danger signs of a gambling problem to look out for. Some of them seem to match up with what you’ve been witnessing lately. They include:

• Spending a lot of time away from the house and being vague or secretive about it. Some gamblers get up early in the morning to gamble while their partner or family are asleep.
• Becoming defensive whenever money is discussed.
• Hiding bank statements.
• Unexplained payments coming out of your bank account(s).
• Emotional highs and lows.

Even though your partner is the one facing the problem, how you feel is important, too.

Talk to someone

You’ve already mentioned that a friend’s noticed your husband’s behaviour. Do you trust this friend? Can you talk to them in confidence about how you’re feeling, or do you have anyone else you can talk to?

Having someone to share your feelings with can really help your own mental wellbeing.

Your GP can refer you and your partner to local support groups that specialise in gambling recovery. You could also encourage your partner to talk in confidence with their HR department or trade union about what they’re going through.

Is there any way to help your partner avoid the temptation to gamble? According to the Gambling Commission, there are over 8,500 betting shops in the UK. As a result, your partner may have to fight an impulse to gamble every time they walk along the local high street.

Have a think about the different gambling ‘triggers’ that may arise for them. For example:

• Can they take an alternative route to the shops, or to work?
• Are they pressured into gambling by friends or colleagues (during lunch breaks, on nights out etc.)?
• Are there any apps on their phone that encourage gambling?

Get support

Finally, tell your partner to get support from a gambling awareness charity such as Gamcare. They also offer confidential support and advice for family and friends of those with gambling problems.

You can contact them online or by phone on 0808 8020 133 every day 8am to midnight.

Your partner can even talk in confidence at local meetings held by Gamblers Anonymous. Sharing their problem with others who are seeking help with gambling can make them feel less alone.

Recovering from a gambling addition could take its toll, mentally and emotionally. Seek support for your mental wellbeing from charities such as Mind and Time to Talk.

If you have a mental health assistance scheme through your employer, then please take advantage of it. By giving yourself the support you need, you’ll be in a much better position to help your partner through recovery.

If your partner’s in debt due to gambling, we recommend that they get expert gambling advice as well as free and confidential debt advice.

If they don’t seek help with their addiction, there’s a high chance they may fall back into gambling, which could make their debt problem worse.

Citizens Advice has recently joined forces with GambleAware to offer support to gamblers who are also dealing with a debt problem. At StepChange Debt Charity we also offer free and confidential debt advice over the telephone and online.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to gambling problems, and different approaches work for different people. However, help is available and neither of you have to face the problem alone.

Updated September 04, 2017 16:45:46

I'm a gambling addict. Three years ago, I was convicted of white collar fraud, after I stole over $130,000 from my employer to fuel an insatiable addiction.

My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling.

Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction.

The bets would range anywhere between $5,000 and $20,000 a day. I would bet until 3:00am, try to sleep for three hours and bet again for another three hours on online racing in the United States.

I always thought the stereotypical gambling addict was a working-class middle-aged man or woman, sitting at their local club, feeding their favourite pokies machine four or five nights a week.

But I rarely ventured into the local TAB.

Betting while the kids were in the bath

At the zenith of my addiction, I was married with two beautiful young children and working as a finance manager at a local council.

When I was with my family, I was physically there — but mentally, I was miles away, thinking about gambling: when I could next bet, where would the money come from, whether I could back a winner.

I thought about gambling 24/7. I placed bets at home, at work, the shops — basically everywhere and anywhere I could get reception on my phone.

I would be walking with the kids and our dog, yet I'd still be trying to place bets. I would even bet and watch the races on the phone while the kids were in the bath.

A knock at the door

I had been thinking about stealing to solve some of my debt problems for months, but I couldn't do it because I knew the consequences would be dire.

Then one evening, I had a visit from two large men with a baseball bat, strongly suggesting it would be in my best interests to repay a sizable debt that was due that week.

They punched me and threatened to use the baseball bat 'next time'.

I was left bruised and battered from their warning. It was a seriously scary moment; I still occasionally have flashbacks and it sends chills through my body.

That night, I made the decision to steal from work. I felt physically sick and fidgety; my mind wouldn't stop racing. I knew it was wrong, but I did it — knowing I could one day get caught.

The first time is without a doubt the hardest — but once you've done it, stealing becomes easier.

Listen to the program

Earshot meets Leigh, an online gambling addict.

I Got A Gambling Problem Involving

I had nothing to lose. That's how I 'reasoned' it.

However, stealing became another problem to add to my list.

I was constantly worried about being caught. When someone knocked on my office door, when I got a phone call, when my boss called me to a meeting, I was never quite sure.

The fear was slowly killing me, but I couldn't confess, couldn't turn back. I was on a knife-edge with no solution, no way out.

It was a Monday morning when I was finally caught. I was called into the CEO's office and they presented me with the overwhelming evidence.

I was caught red-handed, but I still denied it. I knew my career was over and that jail was not far away.

But at that stage, I had a small sense of relief. No more looking over my back. The lying and deceitfulness could stop.

On the inside

When I was caught and sentenced to jail, the gambling addicts I met in the prison system had similar stories to mine. They were middle-aged, smart, well-educated men from good upbringings, all addicts to racing and not the pokies — certainly not the stereotypical gambling addicts I had imagined.

Have I Got A Gambling Problem

My addiction cost me everything. I lost my job, all my material possessions including house, car, everything I owned.

But that pales into insignificance to the lost relationships.

Need help or support?

If gambling is affecting your health and you are feeling anxious or depressed, or if gambling is negatively impacting on your relationships, help and support are available.

I Got A Gambling Problem Meaning

• Call Lifeline on 13 11 14

My marriage disintegrated, I lost access to my children, I don't talk to my family and I'm no longer on speaking terms with most of my friends. I don't blame them.

During my year in jail, I had enough time to reflect on all the damage it had caused and when I was to be released I knew I couldn't go back to that lifestyle.

You get far too much time to reflect in jail. I was constantly thinking about the kids, but I didn't decide to quit gambling because of them. The constant stress and 24/7 of thinking about gambling had destroyed me: physically, emotionally, and financially.

I knew if I didn't stop gambling it would kill me.

Get help before it's too late

I write this not because I find it a cathartic experience, but because I hope that it helps others to seek help before it's too late. Or for family and friends of addicts to intervene and offer support.

For people 'on the edge' or thinking about committing fraud, the solution is simple: get help.

Seek support before you hit rock bottom. The help that suited me the most was from my psychologist, one-on-one extended chats — but for others it may be Gamblers Anonymous.

For the family and friends of addicts: please don't give up on them, it's a horrendous disease and they need all the support you can give.

Life in 2017 is certainly not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it has been.

I Got A Gambling Problem Finding

I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had a bet since 2014.

Topics:gambling, internet-culture, family-and-children, fraud-and-corporate-crime, law-crime-and-justice, australia

First posted September 04, 2017 12:14:41